A week ago, a friend called and say: "will you help me, I need help"? My reply was: "ya sure, what's the matter"? I say yes to him because (1) he is my friend and (2) I thought it was just minor relationship problem. Because he does called me in the past for minor issues regarding his quarrel with his buddies or his colleagues at work.
Then he say: "help me move house this Saturday, ok"? I was so stunned because I didn't expect such a huge request from him, so I was silent for a minute while he continue to explain about his best buddy couldn't offer to help, blah blah.. And the back of my head, I was thinking of rejecting him but I thought about the earlier response I gave him that I will help him. I wanted to be consistent with my initial decision which was saying yes.
This remind me of low-ball technique where I desire for consistency and fear that I will be inconsistent if I do not carry out my decision. Low-ball technique is a strategy to increase compliance, in which firstly asking for a commitment and then increasing its cost. My commitment maintained because I wanted to keep a positive self-representation and obligation to help my friend.
Well, in the end, I did helped him move house. And I invited my girlfriend along because I didn't want to be alone (the only girl helping him except his mom). Although its was really tired but I had a great exercise. =)
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3 comments:
Wow your friend sure seems to know what he is doing. Is he also trained in social psychology? or is he a salesman. It was very smart of him to first ask if you could do him a favour without actually saying what it was.
Actually in my expeience, I have never heard anyone use that phrase unless they were going to ask for something big! :)
Well its nice that you helped your friend in the end :) if someone were to ask me for a favour, unless it were a really good friend who i'd help with whatever i could, id probably be guarded and say something like "it depends on what it is, but i could try". Anyways, at least now you know that if you need help in future, he's obliged to help ;) there must be a social psych theory for that as well...
Like Pooja, I'd probaly say I'd do it as long as it is within my ability. I seriously do not want to get caught in a situation where I said yes and have to say no later on.
I think it still boils down to the difficulty of rejecting someone NICELY?
And you may throw in abit of self-impression where you do not want to come across as unhelpful or in Anna's case, going back on her word. Nobody likes to be thought of in a bad way anyway.
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